IN LOVING MEMORY OF THE K.U COMRADES

Countless words won’t bring them back because I’ve tried, neither will tears because I’ve cried. To the world they may seem like wayward teenagers partying their lives to the grave but to those who understand and treasure the sanctity of life, they were the world. The little angels definitely had a memory of their lives’ journeys, so never argue that they forgot where they had come from. I can say they were true to their age and developmental stage, living for today because they knew not what tomorrow would bring or take away.

Your death is not a departure but a waking call and a reminder of the precious persons that you were in our hearts. The single white party that people are blaming did not make you less of human beings. Death comes when it must, and nothing can stop it. Arguably, I hope you had enjoyed more of these because you seemed to understand all that pertains to life.

About Death

Immortality is the only antidote to death, but it is oftentimes said than experienced. In the contemplation of death, human beings will turn to forces that are presumed to offer immortality, precisely found in the religious promise of heaven or reincarnation. I don’t subscribe to such and for the first time, I will borrow from the stoicism school of philosophy.

‘In the heart of every parent lives the tightly coiled nightmare that his child will die. This may spring up in the logical times- when a toddler is running into the streets, or it might sneak up in quieter moments. It is a fear that is thought to be an evolutionary motivation for parents to protect their children, but is haunting nonetheless.

spare them your wrong-headed sermons and criticisms!

Traveling all this distance to attend a white party is a sign of the determination and strong will that these angelic heats shared. Who are you to say they were demonic and irrational beings? At the very least, they wined and dined with people their age, which makes them a thousand ways better than the cheap and selfish whores cruising with aged sponsors in 4 × 4’s every weekend.

Even the supremely uptight human beings will silently agree to the fact that party girls live a tremendously exciting, effervescent and fabulous life. Whether saved or not, it is important to acknowledge that human life is a collection of outrageous stories, which could either entertain or disgust future generations. The K.U comrades chose a path that would entertain, and this does not in any way make them worse than the introverted whores. I will vouch for an openly vibrant and outgoing life, compared to the masked devil attending vespers and participating in every religious activity as they wait for that one weekend in a month when they will attend sex orgies in secluded apartments.

The pure souls were urban legends of the millennial age, sprinkling stardust across the surface of this dismal planet. A party girl exists as a highly misjudged species of women but if you so dare to look beyond this overly simplistic stereotype, you will find out that they are interesting beings, undeniably fabulous and extremely successful.

Partying grounds act as premier training grounds for a corporate culture, giving the girls more and more energy to stand the demands of a vibrant nightlife. They have lived and wined with men their age, and as a result, gained the power of saying ‘NO’ when they really mean it. If you thought that the thighs you see in their short skirts and booty pants are free tickets to their underpants, you are misguided and living in a world devoid of logic. 

They have chosen the quintessential social environment and with time, have gained the kind of social skills that no Ivy League education will provide. These are mega-independent and super-confident creatures, who don’t require molly-coddling to survive. Before you pity their parents and argue that these were lost teenagers and signs of a dying generation, think twice and ask yourself why you are not having half as much fun yet you are a lobby lizard.

Life is all about what you perceive it to be. They had their fair share of it and no one is righteous or justified enough to judge the manner in which they lived it. If you have done so, shame on you! You have way more problems to solve in life than these girls. Get a life brother and sister!

Fare thee well

Friends, comrades and loved ones, it has been one short journey that didn’t see you to your prime but for the short time that you were around, the world was an interesting and more comfortable place with you in it. You made the clock tick from Friday to Sunday but above all, you lived age-appropriately and did what you thought was meant to offer happiness.

A dying person needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist it. You ran a good race, and no human being can ever understand or explain why it had to happen during such a time. Although it is difficult today to see beyond our sorrow, may your memories bring comfort for tomorrow.

3 REASONS WHY MEN SHOULD CHEAT ON THEIR WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS

Whoever thinks that modern-day women don’t have the same urge to see new men naked is sadly misinformed.  They have a genetic predisposition to feed their holes with either food and/or cock, but the intellect with which they conceal their intent is overwhelming. This is besides the story. The article is about why men should cheat with all their might, especially successful men!

Men should never be ashamed of infidelity. Instead, understand what it is, embrace it and perfect the art of cheating rather than sitting ignorant in a small dark world of one selfish lady troubling you in a monogamous relationship.

It ups your game

Whether you are a sex mogul or a crawling novice, nothing could be more truthful than the cliché ‘practice makes perfect’.  It drives me nuts to see millennial ladies whining about poor performance from their husbands when they have actually let themselves go. They have stopped doing anything but the bare minimum sexually. This begs the question as to where, as a spouse, you will get the experience and sexual drive to satisfy the lady that is already developing a voluminous sexual appetite. The answer is simple; sleep with as many attractive women as possible.

I hope this appeals to the men that suffer vibe deficiencies too. [I don’t mean to hurt your ego]. The more you approach ladies with the intent of exploring their nakedness; the greater the prospects of improving your skills. I am referring to both verbal skills and sexual orientation. With time you will realize that the better you get at sex, the less remorse you will feel towards your wife or chic. After the clandestine affair, your wife will reap the most heated and sex-fuelled night of her life and cease the routine complaints. Make good use of your energy while it lasts because as you grow older, libido fades. Beyond 60, you will only be good for one rodeo every two days. This is not to mention of women the same age because the V-sign could have gone rusty for lack of clientele.

It boosts your ego

Woe unto you if you are dating or married to the universally acceptable blonde. I am talking of the intelligent lady, ever loyal, respectful, educated and sexually appealing. This is the kind of woman you MUST cheat on in order to satisfy your ego. It probably burns in her mind or will at some point emerge as to why she is married to an overly-macho and weak-minded guy like you. When this happens, she will pass glances at the shamba boy and mysteriously notice the neighbor rolling in a 4×4. And when you cheat on her please, let the side-chick be somewhat unattractive, awkward in terms of wardrobe combinations and generation below the X-axis with regard to stature.

My brother, even Biblical allusions have no record of a woman marrying multiple men. At worst, they were harlots. In essence, it is only men that are licensed to cheat. Cheat on that loyal woman to gain power over her. While this is a sign of weakness and a flawed self-esteem, at least it will satisfy your ego.

Fidelity is overrated

We are living in a period where young girls have commercialized sex. In their prime, which is normally 14-22, they will see every man that seems to have a future. At this age, young guys are playing the field, trying to amass some wealth. Men can only chase one thing at a time. Either money or women. This explains why sponsors are chasing after young girls because in their youthful age, they were busy collecting shiny assets. Where on God’s green earth will you find a good wife then? In this generation where teenage girls know more than their mothers? Fidelity is just overrated. Women have had a fair share of their cheating and yours has just come. Grab it! Utilize it! Cheat like there is no tomorrow! Fuck around as if the hang-man’s rope is right before your front door.

MEN, WAKE UP

v  Tertullian the ancient church father portrays women as the unsealers of God’s tree of good and evil, on account of whom even the son of God had to die.

v  Adam and Jesus are viewed as the two most important people in the Biblical narrative: one that took the blame of sin and the other that died to take the sin away.

v  Jesus himself had all male followers, and a female groupie, Mary Magdalene who was a renowned harlot.

Although it dispirits many to read what appears as needless and wrong-headed negativity  from me, know that I am content and a few people that matter in my life are invigorated and happy. Profiling me as one frustrated social jerk that cannot sustain a relationship is purely a matter of opinion such as I express herein, and any personal attacks are warmly welcome.

They say that in the order of importance, nothing is more substantial than love but I believe ego is. Why would one invest in emotions that he has no control over? I hold nothing personal against women but cannot take them seriously in life because they are irrational beings that cannot be controlled.  They are fun to be around and talk to, but don’t expect reciprocity because the best she will do is pretend to embrace your imperfections.

Being a physically weaker sex, women have evolved to rely on manipulation and deception as their weapons. A woman’s view of the world comes through a grim emotional lens, and her perception is bound to change based on emotional swings. They have no innate understanding of honor, justice, and trust. Their relations are purely based on the foundation of shifting sands of emotion and will therefore love you today while hating you tomorrow.

I must admit that there is a rare breed of women that are rational and trustworthy, but these you can count on the fingers of one penis and two testicles. A few of them that I know become friendly and humane after aging out of the window of their physical attractiveness. At this point, they are either single mothers craving for attention and sexual satisfaction or rare creatures with extreme paranoia blaming men for not getting attracted to them.

In any ideal world, ladies never fall in love with men. They're in love with the circumstance. Men cheat based on biological impulses, and are not necessarily victims of a particular situation. they are attracted to beauty and true sexuality. Women on the other hand create false worlds inside a man's mind to inflict eternal pain. Nothing they will say is true. Whatever that they utter is what their emotional being speaks at that particular moment. Once they get satisfied with the situation that they were attracted to, they will vend their sexuality to any male companion within their reach.

A woman in 'love' is a time-bomb waiting to explode. Regardless of how great their guy and relationship is, the little fire in that union will die down with time.  Once this happens, women turn into emotional vampires looking for whom to devour. No matter how great or honest your girl is, therefore, the chances are high that what it will take for her to leave or cheat on you is a more interesting situation around their lives.

Why do we hold women with a lot of value anyway? Why should we express concern and care only to be broken down later? They purport to care by managing to carry a fetus to term but this does not make them any special. At the very least, thank them for the temporary use of their vagina because any female mammal can queef out an offspring. 

What are women other than desperate attention seekers that will serve you according to your value? They dress so scantily to impress but in real life, cannot be measured on the same fashion metrics as men. Even the best designers in the world are gay men, while all that a pretty lady fights for is to be a supermodel. Beauty notwithstanding, even models are talentless airheads who sincerely believe that the valid organizing principle for their life is to be showcased as glorified clotheshangers.

Why even bother teaching women a language anyway? They don't have coherent thoughts that warrant linguistic expression in the first place. All she wants is to put things in her holes, either food and/or cock, so this works out better for everyone.

They will pretend to have the strongest emotional attachment but women are seasonal beings that have perfected the art of deception. In fact, there is/was a particular cunt in The United States advocating for the reduction of the male population into a mere breeding stock. These are enemies that should never be helped, not by word, deed or thought. Men have a fair share of their weaknesses but this war of deception was purely initiated by women. Like all good fighters, however, men should finish the war and it is exactly what I am helping you to do.

When Ladies Were Ladies...

Ladies have progressively shown no headway to finding lasting companions because the pool of marriageable men is shrinking by the day. This draws from the fact that millennials belong to the female species and can barely be called ladies. Ladies were called angels back then when there was no painstaking attention to appearance.

Ladies were coveted when there was no need to shave their underarms and rub them with cotton balls soaked in rubbing alcohol. We loved them before the advent of thongs and G-strings, when bikers went knee-high.

Women were marriageable when parents planned marriages, based on character match and hard work. Before concluding that I’m still living in the renaissance period, understand that ladies existed before the discovery of weaves and wigs, a period of which water pots could effortlessly balance on their heads.

Love was cherished when ladies were open to reproach and correction, not in this generation when they know so much about compound nouns that just before you complete the word mother, they’d have uttered ‘fucker’.

Women were beautiful butterflies when milking jelly was the only cosmetic product, not in this age and time when their dressing table is more of a cosmetic shop. They thrived on natural fruits like guavas and ripe bananas, where the facial glitter was all natural. Men back then loved their rounded nature, not today when slimming pills sell more than antibiotics just to ensure that they have no waist.

Ladies were sacred beings when seduction was purely a masculine vibe, not today when they ask for your number and pay random visits to your one-roomed apartment. Back then they paid allegiance to one man, not today when they compile a list and end up using lemon fruits to shrink the vaginal walls. Science has it that seeing multiple men will expand the muscular walls. Rather than rendering scarce the supply of lemons and other vaginal oils, reduce the number of men and allow the muscles to contract naturally or live with the hollow nature and see no man in your life.

Women were compared to the Biblical Abigail before the discovery of Guarana, when Fanta orange was the only known feminine drink. Stoney was left to men, not these days when snap has turned things around. With a snap of your finger, you can now thrive in the company of any female companion. Surprisingly, ladies are now taking to the higher table, competing and even outdoing men in Scotch, Irish and single-malt whiskeys. They smoke like chimneys and thrive on shisha more than they do on ugali, leaving the question as to what kids they will bring forth.

 

Women were sanctified during those days of plastic shoes, when high heels and wedges were a history. Leggings were yet to be known, not forgetting that cleavage did not even exist in the dictionary. Tracing it to history, however, their character baffled God in Eden. Right from Eve to Lot’s wife, they do not pause of such a good history. Unless things change in the near future, single motherhood will be the only parenting style in days to come.

The jubilee mosquito

Mosquitoes seem to have borrowed greatly from the Jubilee administration, a government that seems to have a very strong trickle-down effect. Under the protection of my net, I have always felt safe for years, sleeping like a baby, forgetting my worries and dreaming like an entrepreneur.

Tonight I wake up from the protective bubble to visit the cloak room but the opportunistic mosquito sneaks through the exit point, taking a comfortable position similar to the Devolution docket. Done with the call, I get back to bed, hoping to drift into REM sleep within the shortest time. Then comes the buzzing sound, high-pitched and thin like the Majority Leader’s.

Similar in character with the opposition leader who cannot stand corruption, I cannot contain the sound of a mosquito.  I decide to act from my net but because of the confinement and limited visual ability, I never succeed. What else could be more similar than Keter’s efforts!

Getting out of bed, it takes less than a minute to silence the notorious insect. Just before contemplating sleep, however, a bigger one emerges. A probable Eurobond? It’s not so hard to notice, just like the corruption traces that we have always traced.

Three hours in bed, three mosquitoes lay dead on the ground. Three years in power, I bet the scandals are more than three… Since they have proved too much of a menace, I decide to silence the last insect before drifting to sleep. Surprisingly, it clings to my arm even after dying. I start laughing, with Waiguru in mind. But unlike her, this helpless insect has no protective bubble.

My net seems more of a cosmetic feature now, not so different from Waqo’s ‘public relations’ docket. What the hell will I do with these mosquitoes? Repellants have not worked either. Should I change my sleeping schedule?

I have tried sealing all the entry points but each time I think of victory, they sneak in like in 2007 and 2013. What about my last bullet? Shhhh! That’s not for disclosure. But mosquitoes can be a real menace; that I know. Someone help me ask the Opposition leader whether there is a better net or repellant.

Dating an exceptionally pretty lady? Woe unto you!

I have penned before that all ladies are difficult to tame (a position I don’t intend to modify in the near future), but exceptionally pretty women are a special challenge. While lightheartedly admitting to the temporary hypothesis that all ladies are beautiful in their own way, this post is about the kind of women that society considers exceptionally attractive.

I’m referring to the pageant chicks in their prime (considering the fact that beauty is short-lived), pursued and courted by multi-millionaires and property tycoons, feared by ordinary nerds and social jerks.

On the other end are easily replaceable cogs in an economic behemoth, commanding a low 5-digit net worth and no status to speak of. Still in the initial blush of youth, marred by brash and unrealistic cocky ambitions of what they can achieve, impervious to feedback and advice, this is the characteristic mismatch that comes to mind when I talk of dating a lady way out of your league.

An entire panoply of game behavior and vibe goes into meeting and seducing such ladies, a reason why most of them die single or end up single mothers. But why do men dread these good-looking ladies?

Fear- and sometimes experience- cultivates an exquisite sense of one’s sexual rank, eliciting an avoidance mentality that preempts rejection by sultry ladies thought to be out of one’s league. However, a few warriors of the whiskered wound have beaten out of their league and lived to demystify the entire story. It is all summed up by the feeling that they will possibly be turned down.

However, there is a rare breed of guys, men with vibe and delusional confidence, who will often bang the kind of women considered by the general public to be out of their league. If they are not sugar daddies, then I’m sorry they fall victim to quote:

‘Youth is wasted on young’ . The sweet idiocy of romanticism. It makes a fool out of everyone involved, but no man is complete without having been wrung through it.

Dating far above your social strata will furnish you with a glimpse of the life that exists at a completely different stratum of society. You will be surprised at her infinite admittance to favors and accouterments of her elevated station. Socializing with people who own superfluous yachts, overseas luxury properties, infrequently used personal jets, you will have nothing to offer in these types of trades. While she takes first-class flights, you struggle for a seat next to the driver in a luxury bus. It turns out to be a clandestine nature of a relationship though you may not accept it.

Sometimes you get stupidly cocky and naively in love as to expect that she will ditch her 9-digit-worth-benefactor for you just because you profess love and sweat in bed, on the couch or on whatever surface that the two of you prefer.

Regardless of the fact that you will possibly snatch a few fleeting memories with the hottie, the attempt to turn those sublime moments into a somewhat permanent and self-replenishing feature in a relationship creates conflict and drama, which is exhilarating at first but must turn perplexing, bitter, harrowing and finally exhausting.

True love has a constant undercurrent of mild euphoria as well as a sense of peace in one another’s presence. Nor does it diminish with time. This definition alone tells you that true love is not common and in my view does not exist unless in an afterlife.  For those who believe it exists, however, you probably agree that she will at an instance turn you into a distant memory the moment a wealthier father of five walks her way.

Lucre. Shekels. Thirty pieces of silver for her mortal soul! A lady that will throw away true love in exchange for nothing more than mere money is a filthy stinking God-damned whore who will just bid her time before she slips a knife through your throat the moment you show signs of some significant wealth

Despise my counsel for now but when it is time for angel advice, call me for help with your first pitch. If you must spend with these attention seekers, take advantage of the most wild and sex-fueled relationship of your life but be true to yourself and others by diving into romance fully conscious that it cannot possibly end well like in the movies.

It is alright if our first instincts fail us but don’t cling to a sinking buoy. We are trolled all the time, skepticism should be our default mode. And in that mode, sometimes they fool us by our own credulity, while at times we fool ourselves through hyper vigilance. It happens to the best of us. What then is the way out? I’m starting to see little, if any point, in sleeping with a woman I couldn’t see myself committing to. And since I swore not to commit, stay off women entirely.

After seeing her nakedness quite frequently as to satisfy your appetite at least temporarily, only then will you begin to wonder whether there is a clinical diagnosis for the tendencies that she is exhibiting. If you have a trace of psychology in your head, it won’t be hard to realize that she suffers a serious narcissistic personality disorder, meeting all the five criteria as described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (5^th edition).

It may not necessarily imply that you are less attractive or not-so-well-groomed but there are awkward moments when men will give her too much attention and the moment they look at you, the question they will be asking is why the hell she settled for a loser like you! You may carry all the pride like I do and boast of the strongest sense of self-esteem but this will not shield you from the unsightly scenes in shopping malls, clubs and restaurants.

Before the approach-less Troll and weak of thought interrupt my prose by insinuating that men’s sexual value is judged by the same looks metric as women’s sexual value, let it be pounded into their scrawny  cognitive patterns that a man’s relationship worthiness is judged by many measures, not least of which is his social value and seductive ability. When I talk of men shooting out of their league, therefore, don’t just picture an ugly man flirting with a naturally-born and socially acceptable blonde (though it could mean so). It could also mean a man who compares favorably well in the looks department but is socially awkward or rather cannot clearly bring out the difference between ‘their and there’.

Beautiful ladies are born with this insatiable need for unwarranted compliments. Whatever she wears and no matter how she wears it, a high-end lady expects a compliment. Whether you mean it or not (perhaps another reason why I’m not dating any time soon since I tend to notice good cars at the expense of pretty ladies no matter how they spin their butts), you will be required to make compliments a refrain. Deny her the compliment for a second and another man will gladly offer it with the hope that it will lead him to her pants, only to find that the color of the waters does not justify the quality of the pool.

With pretty ladies, you have to appeal to their vulnerabilities. At the very least, find something that impresses her. She will, all her life, be approached by men who have more cash, better cars, higher academic qualifications, better dress codes, a more enhanced vibe and perhaps a bigger c*ck. Unless you figure out what impresses her and provide exactly that, she will only pass time by your bed-side waiting for the right person. If you are blessed with a wry, playful and artistic prose that is delightful to read, use it to impress her through texts.  If you are forced to laugh at dry humor just to ensure that she notices it, just contend with the swanky task of dating a pretty lady.

Lastly, trust is the biggest nightmare you will have to sleep with each night. She will be approached by men of all classes and vibes since they probably have the same eye as you do. Most of these will flirt in your presence and there are high chances that she flirts back since most of these ladies tend to be smart physically and nothing more.

Be prepared for a probable of diagnosis with lifestyle illnesses such as high blood pressure and diabetes. If you can’t opt for the condom, I need not spell your doom since most of the big men she sleeps with will only pay for a peeled mango. They never know the taste of an orange together with its skin! I deliberately excluded a heart attack considering your social class. With the routine managu and Githeri, I cannot contemplate the source of bad cholesterol to throw any of the cardiovascular illnesses your way.

International phone calls interspersed with weekend-long vacations in hotel rooms across the coveted coastal region will not be so rare as long as you still call her your chic. But in the end, losing the pathway to a high-grade pussy is a blow to a man’s pleasure center, one that will leave you miserable irrespective of the memories. She risks discovery and the concomitant loss of her feminine prestige and treats from her financial suitors. Because her nature does not allow for shared love between disparate men who offer the kind of love that would not equal to the wildest dreams of the average representative of her sex, all you will be left to enjoy are a few fleeting memories built over the short time.

At the end of the day, however, you have the advantage of an outstanding pussy, not necessarily in terms of quality but rather getting for free what other men have to pay heavily for.  Trading up, as you gain social value and get older, you will be treated to hotter and younger chicks who start to be more accessible as you’re more mature, sly, charming and laden with shiny assets.

When it comes to marriage, you then discover that these same young hotties are dating grandfathers. If it can’t trickle down to the less attractive lady, then you shell the entire marriage ambition and finally join my therapy class.