When Ladies Were Ladies...

Ladies have progressively shown no headway to finding lasting companions because the pool of marriageable men is shrinking by the day. This draws from the fact that millennials belong to the female species and can barely be called ladies. Ladies were called angels back then when there was no painstaking attention to appearance.

Ladies were coveted when there was no need to shave their underarms and rub them with cotton balls soaked in rubbing alcohol. We loved them before the advent of thongs and G-strings, when bikers went knee-high.

Women were marriageable when parents planned marriages, based on character match and hard work. Before concluding that I’m still living in the renaissance period, understand that ladies existed before the discovery of weaves and wigs, a period of which water pots could effortlessly balance on their heads.

Love was cherished when ladies were open to reproach and correction, not in this generation when they know so much about compound nouns that just before you complete the word mother, they’d have uttered ‘fucker’.

Women were beautiful butterflies when milking jelly was the only cosmetic product, not in this age and time when their dressing table is more of a cosmetic shop. They thrived on natural fruits like guavas and ripe bananas, where the facial glitter was all natural. Men back then loved their rounded nature, not today when slimming pills sell more than antibiotics just to ensure that they have no waist.

Ladies were sacred beings when seduction was purely a masculine vibe, not today when they ask for your number and pay random visits to your one-roomed apartment. Back then they paid allegiance to one man, not today when they compile a list and end up using lemon fruits to shrink the vaginal walls. Science has it that seeing multiple men will expand the muscular walls. Rather than rendering scarce the supply of lemons and other vaginal oils, reduce the number of men and allow the muscles to contract naturally or live with the hollow nature and see no man in your life.

Women were compared to the Biblical Abigail before the discovery of Guarana, when Fanta orange was the only known feminine drink. Stoney was left to men, not these days when snap has turned things around. With a snap of your finger, you can now thrive in the company of any female companion. Surprisingly, ladies are now taking to the higher table, competing and even outdoing men in Scotch, Irish and single-malt whiskeys. They smoke like chimneys and thrive on shisha more than they do on ugali, leaving the question as to what kids they will bring forth.

 

Women were sanctified during those days of plastic shoes, when high heels and wedges were a history. Leggings were yet to be known, not forgetting that cleavage did not even exist in the dictionary. Tracing it to history, however, their character baffled God in Eden. Right from Eve to Lot’s wife, they do not pause of such a good history. Unless things change in the near future, single motherhood will be the only parenting style in days to come.