THE HEAVENLY REVELATION

Dear men, what I am penning today is sanctified. It is heavenly. A word inspired by the manly spirit. The 11^th commandment that God ought to have given to Moses.  Read it, rehearse, it, make it a refrain, sear it into your corrupt short term memory, pass it onto your children if at all they will be yours and ponder upon it before she lures you with the immoral lingerie. This word has no overdose, the more you read, the happier life you lead!

There is a price for every woman that you let into your life, and the only essential question is whether you are willing and capable of paying the price.  Why should a controllable passion bring you to your knees? They control the market, now control the price. Let them speak with their nudity, speak with your wallets. Isn’t it commercial of late?

Before you trust a woman, it will take five years of marriage, two years of engagement and another two years of supremacy battles. Only then will you realize that you have a cocktail of children in the house. Upon a closer DNA look, even the last born with a similar nose has nothing genetically-related to your make-up.

It is amazing to note how they conceal their intent. Yesterday she was out to attend a family gathering, right? I bet it was very true. But on her way home she shared the little cash crop with his long-lost EX. Do you have any idea? Not at all because you are sited on the couch, legs stretched with only two things that you own in this world! Your balls and your words! Innocent as you may be, the world and the women in it will never be just, trustworthy or even HUMAN!!! The more affection that you show, the greater the pressure with which she trumps upon your dreams. Let your wallets grow pale and you will realize that Delilah was not just a Philistine harlot.

THE BEAUTY OF HAVING WOMEN AROUND

Did man’s predicament begin with the creation narrative? Could Eve’s creation be the only poor decision that heaven had to make? I am a staunch Christian that is never meant to question any aspect of human existence but come to think of it; Starting with Eve and ending with Mary the groupie that Jesus himself walked with, between the verses you will find the intriguing evil plans and deceptions propagated by Jezebel, Delilah, Salome, Lot’s wife and Potiphar’s wife. 

And so it came to pass that as men progressively became dogs, millennial ladies turned into bones that could be picked and dropped anywhere across the road without objection. Is it because they discovered that their nakedness can be commercialized? Well, it is a matter of time before men wake up too. As it stands, a good car turns me on at the expense of a naked woman and I know a couple of men that have had heartaches in their desire to understand the feminine characters.

The only time when a woman will truly be understood is when her beauty prime has faded, teats have fallen slack and hips have tilted like the earth’s axis. Only then will she remember the guy with a six-inch that she dumped for a two-inched sponsor. What is it with women even in an age where men have totally transformed?

The rate at which men turned androgynous was predictive of a diminishing marriage institution. How could a man raised to compete and be aggressive fall so low as to take feminine roles in the pretext of being romantic and caring? Women progressively refused to be yoked into marriage and at the same time, desperate and dying cougars were seriously dishing out a share of their wealth for a taste of younger blood. Girls as young as 17 acquired a sense of wealth and considered men subordinate.

We live in a generation where all that men have is their word and perhaps their two balls for those that are lucky to come from anywhere in Kenya but Nyeri. Show a 22-year old lady all the romance and care that she needs but brother, she will walk away as though you were a simple billboard to be read and left by the roadside. 

Nature has an interesting way of bringing them back though; wait until wrinkles disfigure the eyebrow line. Watch out for that moment when in long undergarments, she will be struggling to cover the network of stretch marks. Be patient enough to testify against the inability of a padded bra to support her overweight glands. Have I mentioned the moment when an expensive cosmetic closet makes her appear as though she had a terribly-administered Botox injection?

If you understand what I mean, this is the only time when a woman will respect you for your two testicles. She will make it her duty to call every evening. Her phone will be yours even when it has no game that you can play. Leave a blue tick to her Whatsapp message and she will start fidgeting. The cubed cart-pusher that she cheated on you with would be happily married to a class 8 dropout by then. 93 % of her sponsors would already have succumbed to lifestyle illness and the remaining 7% cannot afford a round of rodeo. Her less-attractive peers that she despised would already be raising a family. And this is the moment when you will get a true picture of the real helper that God conceptualized before taking Adam’s rib. 

A conclusion will perhaps be vulgar. So never struggle to understand a woman. Especially the modern-day woman.

IN LOVING MEMORY OF THE K.U COMRADES

Countless words won’t bring them back because I’ve tried, neither will tears because I’ve cried. To the world they may seem like wayward teenagers partying their lives to the grave but to those who understand and treasure the sanctity of life, they were the world. The little angels definitely had a memory of their lives’ journeys, so never argue that they forgot where they had come from. I can say they were true to their age and developmental stage, living for today because they knew not what tomorrow would bring or take away.

Your death is not a departure but a waking call and a reminder of the precious persons that you were in our hearts. The single white party that people are blaming did not make you less of human beings. Death comes when it must, and nothing can stop it. Arguably, I hope you had enjoyed more of these because you seemed to understand all that pertains to life.

About Death

Immortality is the only antidote to death, but it is oftentimes said than experienced. In the contemplation of death, human beings will turn to forces that are presumed to offer immortality, precisely found in the religious promise of heaven or reincarnation. I don’t subscribe to such and for the first time, I will borrow from the stoicism school of philosophy.

‘In the heart of every parent lives the tightly coiled nightmare that his child will die. This may spring up in the logical times- when a toddler is running into the streets, or it might sneak up in quieter moments. It is a fear that is thought to be an evolutionary motivation for parents to protect their children, but is haunting nonetheless.

spare them your wrong-headed sermons and criticisms!

Traveling all this distance to attend a white party is a sign of the determination and strong will that these angelic heats shared. Who are you to say they were demonic and irrational beings? At the very least, they wined and dined with people their age, which makes them a thousand ways better than the cheap and selfish whores cruising with aged sponsors in 4 × 4’s every weekend.

Even the supremely uptight human beings will silently agree to the fact that party girls live a tremendously exciting, effervescent and fabulous life. Whether saved or not, it is important to acknowledge that human life is a collection of outrageous stories, which could either entertain or disgust future generations. The K.U comrades chose a path that would entertain, and this does not in any way make them worse than the introverted whores. I will vouch for an openly vibrant and outgoing life, compared to the masked devil attending vespers and participating in every religious activity as they wait for that one weekend in a month when they will attend sex orgies in secluded apartments.

The pure souls were urban legends of the millennial age, sprinkling stardust across the surface of this dismal planet. A party girl exists as a highly misjudged species of women but if you so dare to look beyond this overly simplistic stereotype, you will find out that they are interesting beings, undeniably fabulous and extremely successful.

Partying grounds act as premier training grounds for a corporate culture, giving the girls more and more energy to stand the demands of a vibrant nightlife. They have lived and wined with men their age, and as a result, gained the power of saying ‘NO’ when they really mean it. If you thought that the thighs you see in their short skirts and booty pants are free tickets to their underpants, you are misguided and living in a world devoid of logic. 

They have chosen the quintessential social environment and with time, have gained the kind of social skills that no Ivy League education will provide. These are mega-independent and super-confident creatures, who don’t require molly-coddling to survive. Before you pity their parents and argue that these were lost teenagers and signs of a dying generation, think twice and ask yourself why you are not having half as much fun yet you are a lobby lizard.

Life is all about what you perceive it to be. They had their fair share of it and no one is righteous or justified enough to judge the manner in which they lived it. If you have done so, shame on you! You have way more problems to solve in life than these girls. Get a life brother and sister!

Fare thee well

Friends, comrades and loved ones, it has been one short journey that didn’t see you to your prime but for the short time that you were around, the world was an interesting and more comfortable place with you in it. You made the clock tick from Friday to Sunday but above all, you lived age-appropriately and did what you thought was meant to offer happiness.

A dying person needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist it. You ran a good race, and no human being can ever understand or explain why it had to happen during such a time. Although it is difficult today to see beyond our sorrow, may your memories bring comfort for tomorrow.