WHY MEN SHOULD NEVER MARRY

For until we understand that the principle threat to manhood is marriage, and that it sprouts not from homosexuals but from heterosexuals, it is barely conceivable to reverse the decline of morality, fidelity, sanity and sobriety. My intent is not to dissuade men from marriage but rather to furnish them with the gen needed to make a sound resolution that is never regrettable later in life. Let’s borrow from the words of noble men before you cling to my neck.

•   Peter Lloyd, a renowned activist, while discussing the institution of marriage in Fox News started by saying: ‘Marriage is the fraud of the ring’, a philosophy that I’ve held long before he mentioned it.

•   In our part of the world where monogamy is in force, to marry means to halve one’s rights and to double one’s duties- Arthur Schopenhauer

•   The grass is ever greener on the other side.  Once you walk down the aisle with a blonde, you will forever lust after brunettes and redheads irrespective of the fact that they are impossible to get (unknown author)

•  Murphy’s law will have the ultimate laugh on you once you are already married and one day the ideal perfect woman walks your way, more attractive than your wife, but you can’t obviously make a simple bed-buddy out of her because of the marriage slavery

•   Epicurus the patron of pleasure argues that a wise man can seldom marry, because marriage has all the drawbacks. And as wealth, bodily health and honors which we call indifferent are neither good nor bad, but stand as it were midway, and become good and bad according to the use and issue, so wives stand on the borderline of good and evil.

That said, there is ideally no rational motive for a man of class and substance to get married unless you still subscribe to the ancient societal philosophy that marriage is the groundwork of happiness and fulfillment in life. Marital bliss is just a fad. Period. The rigors of fame notwithstanding, even wealth ain’t a very strong endorsement for one to get married. If the winter of 2011-2012 was so unfair as to see the divorce between Russell Brand and Katy Perry, what would motivate an infamous chap to drag his miserable life into slavery? It is nothing better on the other side of life. I say this for fear of anyone supposing that in marrying a poor and uneducated woman, he has secured peace. Women will forever stir up strife regardless of their class and fiscal status.

Simple psychology, science and knowledge of metabolic changes will tell you that women tend to gain weight after childbirth. Surprisingly, altered habits and behaviors immediately accompany the wedded ‘bliss’. Ten years after the ring has slipped down her finger, she is no longer interested in stature. I act contrite but it is worth saying, that she adds bulk to her frame, loses shape, renders the closet dysfunctional and ultimately looks not so different from a withered old school-bag.

Scoff if you must and call me a fuddy-duddy if your mouth runs like a scolded dog. Truth be told, men once married for the purpose of coitus and family. Love was in the air back then, the time when affection and infatuation were black and white, visible with a naked eye. That was the only time you were required to tie the knot before you could wear her down (or rather have her counting the ridges on your roof if you only understood missionary style back then).

Such days are now memory, these days women are sexually available. In a generation where women know no ‘NO’, the pool of marriageable men has significantly condensed. What pisses me off the most is the idea of infidelity where double standards are openly played.

We must admit, a good proportion of men have an inflated sexual drive, some of whom have expressed sexual desire for the babysitter since they were 4.  Men, cheat on your wife today and you’ll be the biggest scum on earth. You will simply be identified as a self-centered jerk who has downplayed the family unit. Let your wife cheat on you that same evening and she will be treated as the victim. Tell me what reasoning exists when society tries to find out what you did (OR did not do), that made the wife cheat on you. Rather than holding her responsible, they’ll concentrate on the probable role that you played in her infidelity.

While some will senselessly claim that you never accolade or even gratify her sexually like her new catch does, they forget the fact that you are working your butts off to fill her ever-rumbling stomach which is soon becoming a landmine, besides dressing her up for the other men to feed their visual appetite.

They will complain of your sexual inactivity, ignoring the fact that someone who once graced your sex life with flashy thongs now wears ‘Cowboy’ things to bed (which are of course extinct). In real sense, marriage will kill your sex life.

If it lies within the capability of your mind and body, continue believing that a promise is a promise and remain faithful to the whore. Once she starts going out, you will obviously be manipulated by being denied your conjugal rights. Coerce her into coitus and you will be a full-grown rapist but let her coerce you by withdrawing sex and she will be a feminist hero.

Living with a woman under the same roof is like residing in a world alien to logic. A man will basically need food, silence and a bottle of beer once he gets home from work. The moment you settle on the couch, however, every moment of silence is viewed as an opportunity for her to talk.

She will immediately sign you up for random events during weekends, be it baby-showers, graduation parties, funerals and weddings. Time with your boys will be a thing of the past because marriage halves your freedom. She will expect you home earlier than the wandering pets. More inquisitive than a parole officer, life in your house becomes more miserable than realities in a juvenile home because at least the kids have some hope of being set free someday.

While you are into soccer and movies, she will forcibly tune the television to Real Housewives of I don’t care what…. Wedding shows…. and other funny and uninteresting content. In your own house, nothing is yours except the bills, responsibilities and recurrent quarrels.

While dating, you will do things just as absurd in the extravagant outburst of your warm but blind affection. With time, love dies, and the union grows out of all proportion. He who ardently loves a woman is an adulterer because it is disgraceful to love another man’s bed-buddy. Only a handful of them can cross their legs. And if they do, something is amiss somewhere {looks, Education or self- esteem}. If you must love, do it with judgment and not passion; but never commit. Men, be wise and govern your voluptuous impulses rather than rushing impulsively into coitus. Never be blinded by passion.

Part 2 almost out…………